god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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