You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
