there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Houston, we have a blender
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
