and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
