my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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