Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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