sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
