I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
