I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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