take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
