erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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