thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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