my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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