So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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