Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
