So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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