so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
