I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
