I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
