i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
