You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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