I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My ass is underappreciated
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
