I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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