too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Enjoy the penises
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
