your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
