Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
