It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
