Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
