Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
