Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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