I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I could fuck to npr.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
