God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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