I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The air was thick with penises
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
