It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize