Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
