I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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