Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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