I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
