"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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