come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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