I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
