I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
