God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
