I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
