I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
