I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
