btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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