I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
