I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
