Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
