were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
