I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
