are you still at the devil's house?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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