happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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