The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
