in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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