Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize