My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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