Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
