Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
