just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
