Cold hands, warm shart.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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