And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am puke
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
