remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
