I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
