Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
