i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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