He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
