it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
