Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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