I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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