It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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